Let me introduce you Vixen from Auckland, New Zeland. She shared her story with me a while ago about dancing and single parenting after I was ranting on my social media that my boyfriend broke up with me saying I, as a stripper, would never be a good role model to his children.
“I was young and reckless when I started the industry, so lively and optimistic and in some cases, naive and let’s say, a bit stupid. I always had extreme social anxiety and until I started working in the stripping/ sex industry, even ordering food or making phone calls was a difficult task.
The sex industry and the girls apart of it helped me to grow, and it moulded me into a well rounded, responsible, empowered woman.
When I was 19, I fell pregnant. I lived down the road from my club and I couldn’t get ahold of my boyfriend. So I bought some more tests and walked to work, to feel I wasn’t alone. That’s how much I consider the club my second home and the girls, bouncers and bar staff my family. I had endless support from day 1 from all the girls who helped me get more bookings, therefore, increasing the money I got to spend on my unborn child. I stripped until I was six months pregnant after no ‘normal’ job would hire me. I felt embarrassed once my belly got bigger, but I needed to be able to support my daughter as best as I could. I saved $15,000 in those six months and I spent next to none of it on myself. I bought my first car and got my driving license, everything else I made was for my daughter. I was a pack a day smoker, I dabbled in occasional party drugs like anyone at my age did, and I drunk while I was at work, mostly out of boredom.
The day I found out I was pregnant, I smoked my last cigarette, drunk my last drink and didn’t touch drugs.
My daughter is now four and a half months old, and we live in a beautiful home filled with toys and love. I hear a lot that strippers don’t know how to take care of their children. So I’m happy to say that I haven’t smoked a single cigarette since she was born, I have drunk only once and I will never ever touch drugs again. I’m a better mother than a lot of “normal” woman because I’m 100% dedicated to my daughters need. I don’t feel the need to be selfish or put her second to anyone or anything because she is my whole world and my happiness. I’m currently saving for a house deposit. All my other available money gets spent on my daughter who, most days wears quality outfits not to aggravate her eczema while I wear the same clothes I’ve owned for five years because there’s nothing more important than her and her health.
I want to end the stigma that young mums are irresponsible and stripper mums are disturbed and are dooming their children to a lower-class life. My daughter will be loved and cherished and spoiled until I no longer walk the earth.
That’s the general gist of my situation.”
Do you still strip?
“I’m currently in a break from stripping. I left in December, had my daughter in March, and I’m planning to be returning to work in November. “
You’re a single mum, right?
“Yes, 100% solo mum. I’m making it work with the support from my dad, he knows I work in the sex industry and he’s going to be the one to babysit my daughter while I’m working on the weekends. I’m saving for a house deposit, so he understands how much faster I’ll be able to do that with the quick income from stripping.”
One more thing came to my mind and I’d like to ask it if you don’t mind. When she’s bigger, will you tell her honestly about your job? Or will you keep it as a secret from her? Aren’t you afraid that one day she comes home in tears from kindergarten or school, because someone told her, her mother is a slut? Kids between themselves can be so cruel sometimes.
“I’ve thought about this a lot. My grandmother and mother both worked in the full-service sex industry, although I don’t believe that’s the reason why I became a dancer as one of my friends suggested the club business over a few years. But I do think it was always in the back of my head. I always thought that it wouldn’t be such a big deal because of my upbringing (which turns out was wrong as it strained many relationships). No matter what, I will always be a loving and supportive mother of my daughter and if she somehow stumbles upon the sex industry herself, I would not condemn her for doing so and aid her to be safe and inform her of what I know. But I would rather it be a choice she herself makes than having others blame me and my past for it. I love dancing but as she is my daughter, I will always want more for her, as any parent would and would encourage her to “normality”. I do plan to own a pole when I stop dancing but will explain it as pole fitness and keep it out of sight, out of mind until she’s old enough not to blurt out things to teachers and other parents, so it wouldn’t create that tension and disgust from others.
Lord knows, they see a young single mum with a young child and a pole at home and I definitely will have a hard time trying to get parents to trust me with sleepovers and outings with their own kids.
I do always wish I could be open and honest about it but it will always be taboo to the majority. I’ve had friends with kids in high school being bullied because of their work in the sex industry and it’s 100% not something I want to subject my daughter to. When she’s old enough to fully understand the positive (and negative) implications of the job, I will more than likely explain it to her. Because without this job, I wouldn’t have her or have been able to support her the way I have done so it will be an important conversation to have one day.”
What are your thoughts? Please share with us in a comment below.